I don’t. It is as simple as that. There is actually no way to perfectly balance the two and once I realized that it was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders and I stopped putting so much pressure on myself.
“The key to juggling is to know that some of the balls you have in the air are made of plastic and some are made of glass.” – Nora Roberts
This quote is basically how I live my life. When my oldest was 5 months and we first moved to Charlotte I actually decided to quit videography. I had a few weddings booked for the year and then I was done. I just thought there was no way I could do both. I didn’t have the energy to re establish my business in North Carolina. It just seemed like too much work. Here is the thing. I quickly realized that I feel fulfilled by being a mother and videography. I needed the two together to be the best version of myself.
So here is what I have learned so far-
1. You never don’t have time for something- you just don’t prioritize it.
Sounds kind of harsh but it’s true. Everyone has the same 24 hours in a day and what you do with those hours is your choice. Now I also am a big believer in seasons. You know yourself and your abilities best so if it is not the season to hustle and grind give yourself grace. I have found I need to sacrifice sleep in order to get everything done but was I waking up at 5am when I had a newborn who wasn’t sleeping through the night? Absolutely not. But when my kids got older and started sleeping more I realized that waking up at 5am to journal, read my scriptures, get ready for the day, get a little work in, really allowed me to be more present with my girls during the day. I had to sit down and say “Ok what business stuff do I need to get done and when am I going to do that?” Do I need to skip my yoga class this week so I can use the full 3 hours of gym childcare to work? Do I need to skip out on the family trip to Costco this evening so I can work? Do I need to work instead of watching a show with my husband before bed? Look at your priorities and you will find time.
2. Be clear with your partner about what you need from them.
It is 2023. Parents share equal responsibilities. It is not up to one parent and one parent only to raise the children, manage the house, and cook all the meals. And I am here for that. There is absolutely no way I would be able to do what I do without my amazing supportive husband by my side. I was clear even before we got married that I wanted to work. Of course I had no idea what my career would end up looking like but I knew that I needed something outside the home. My husband has made that possible. He works a full day and then is ready to switch off in the evenings so I can work. He bathes them and puts them to bed almost every night. He cleans way more than I do and unloads the dishwasher in the morning. He takes days off when I have to travel so he can be with the kids. We are a team. You cannot do this alone.
3. You do not have to do everything.
Two things I cannot live without- my house cleaners and a meal planning service. First of all, I’m still trying to convince my husband we need bi-weekly cleaners instead of monthly because 2 days after they come my kids have this magical ability to make it look like the house was never cleaned at all. I think the benefits of a cleaner are self explanatory but I will say in our family my husband is the cleaner. And now instead of him spending 2 hours cleaning our house we can spend time together. Which does not happen often. Meal prepping kits have taken such a mental load off my plate. The stress that comes with trying to figure out what to have for dinner, doing the grocery shopping, prepping all the food and then cooking? I love cooking but I am not in a time in my life where I can devote all my time to that. The fact that all of our dinners come to our house with ingredients already portioned out and step by step instructions on how to cook the meal? Life changing.
4. Your “now” is not your forever.
I am very much a person who lives in the now. I have a tendency to feel like what I feel now is what I will feel like forever. And thankfully that is not true. In the fall both my girls start school. I have 5 months left of the life I have had for the last almost 6 years. The life of waking up at 5am to work, using gym childcare to get editing done, trading off with my husband when he is done working so I can work… In 5 months I will have mornings to myself again and 2 years after that I will have the entire day. Which is wild. So I am doing my best to enjoy and appreciate the life I live now, knowing that it is not going to last forever.
5. There is no right way to do it. What works for me may not work for you and that is ok
I like to remind myself that any time I get any advice to take it with a grain of salt. Usually the person giving it has good intentions, but it is ok if you feel like it just doesn’t apply to you. You know yourself best. You know what works for you and if you don’t- try out a few things and then I bet you will quickly find out. I think you have to sit down and figure out what you want your life to look like. I knew I wanted to be home as much as possible with my girls before they started school so in order to make that happen I had to make sacrifices somewhere else. What I wanted might not be what you want. But just know if you want it bad enough you can make it happen.